woooooooo! im so excited. a couple of weeks ago i booked my hols for next year. me and the sister are of to cuba for 2 weeks, all inclusive, for £739! we're stayin in a place called cayo guillermo and it looks fuckin gooooooooooooooooooooooooorgeous! my mate ash told me bout the deal and her and her fella r goin to the exact same hotel and everythin a couple of weeks after us. im just lookin at the pics now. it looks so beautiful and im lookin forward to gettin out there and just chillin out for 2 weeks.

my mates almost convinced me to go cancun wiv them next year for another clubbin holiday and i very nearly sed yes, but i thought bout it and i just wanna get out to somewhere stunnin that ill probs never go to agen and just relax and enjoy bein abroad. i mean, dont get me wrong, i love clubbin hols, there fukin well fun. but i wanna actually enjoy bein abroad this time rather than just gettin pissed for cheap haha!

so me and the sis are plannin all the shit we're gona do down there. wotever there is to do, we're gonna try and do it lol. which is y im already packin the savings away now haha!!! neway thats miles away yet so im not gona write much about it now, itll just depress me how long ive got to wait hahaha!

not really much else to say at the mo. missin ma mate, shes off in turkey the lucky cow hahaha, but im glad one of us got to get away this year. i suppose im goin to france in august, but i dont class that as a holiday abroad haha!

laters x x x

well i think it bout time to fill u inon everythin thats goin on in my lil head. ive bin propa rinsin the gym recently. im gettin fitter and fitter every week nd next week im gona start swimmin agen aswell. im lookin for a decent boxin gym at the mo so if neone has ne ideas, let me no lol, cos the ones round my end are dog shat!!! im gona start street runnin aswell after a few weeks. im really lookin foward to gettin fit lol. i loooooove goin to the gym, it makes me feel gud and its helpin me sleep better, its givin me more energy and my appetite is hhhhuuuuuuuugggggeeee lol!

im always eatin now, but ive startin eatin healthy agen so im feelin well better than i did wen i was livin off junk food. im stil gona treat maself to kfcs nd mcds at the weekend, theres no way i can live without them lolol!!!!! but im chowin down propa healthy other than that!

im sick and tired of my job now. i really fuckin hate it!!! the only time i dont mind bein in work now is wen ashley is there wiv me. shes one of my best mates and id hav quit a rrrreeeaaalllyyy long time ago if it wasnt for her. i even look forward to goin in just to spend time wiv her. she a propa laugh and a well top girl.

but wen shes not there im bored SHITLESS!!!! i no i need to move on now for sure. i no ive been chattin bout wot i wanna do alot, and ive narrowed it down to three things: the fire brigade, the royal marines or the regular army. im pretty scepticle bout the fire brigade becos i no its really hard to even get past the application stage and u really do hav to b smart to get in. but im gona start preppin by buyin some gcse evision books and brushin up on my maths nd shit, cos its been that long since i used my brain properly lol. and i defo need to brsuh up on my spellin, to stop ash rippin me if for nothin else hahahaha (congratulations, y the hell did i think it was spelt congraDulations!?!?!?!).

im also a bit worried worried bout the marines cos ive got 2 big tattoos and i dnt no wot their policies are bout tats. im gona look into that soon and see if im still eligable lol.

i never realy wanted to join the regular army but the idea is realy growin on me. i really wanna serve now, even if its just for 3 years. the amount of qualifications u can get whilst ur in is unbelievable, and i can get alot better jobs if ive served my country hahahaha!!!

so im really gona start lookin into these things and researchin wot i wanna do. in the mean time im gona get maself really fit, cos lets face it, u gotta be fit in al those careers lol, i dont no y i do it to myself hahaha!?

theres nothin new on the love front. im still in love and ive had a few moments where i can feel myself goin on a propa downer wen i think about how i cant have this girl, but im not gona let myself get that miserable agen. i have no reason to be, shes my best friend and i no she loves me that way, so wot do i hav to be miserble about lol!?!?!
that sed i really do wish i had someone of my own. its only at nite i feel pretty lonely, but i think to myself, the girl of my dreams, the girl im in love wiv liked me bak, and even tho we cnt be together and she loves someone else, the way she felt bout me means so much to me and makes me realise ive got nothin to be sad bout. im sure theres another girl out there for me, even if i dnt love her as much as i do this girl, at least i wont be one ma own lol.

as for money, do not even get me started lol!!!! i am flat broke lol. but im gona get out of this slump. ive bin worse b4 and i always land on my feet. i admit this time i may need a loan to get out my overdraft, but id rather be payin of a bit at a time each month than stay stuck over a grand in my overdraft. and i hav defo learned from this. no more livin out of my means for me lolol! and ive not bin able to go to the cinema! and cinema is like my heroine, not bein able to go wenever i want to has been killin me hahahah!!! but as of the end of this month all that will change lol!!!!

neway thats all ive got time for today, ive got to go and get ready for work now, i really ned the overtime, and its a gud day today cos ash is in, so i dont really mind lol! laters!!!! x x x

wel i think i have finally kicked this fuckin cold! woooo! its completely wiped me out all week. ive not been able to go to the gym last week at all, and its been so fustrating. its my fave thing to do. ive really got bak into it and i no this sounds really loser, but im sooo lookin forward to startin agen tomoz.

im gettin back to the fitness i used to be at now, i can fuckin skip forever (and no skipping is not gay, ALL boxers do it lol). im gettin alot stronger than i used to be. im really tryin hard to push myself evertime i go now so im not just doin the same shit everyday and gettin no where. but like i said this fuckin cold wiped me out for a week .

im gonna really blitze it tomoz to catch up a bit methinks. then im gona start really doin some proper cardio to boost my stamina up before i start boxin agen. thats another thing i cant waaaaaaaaaaaait to start agen. i no i sed i was goin to start mixed martial arts a week or so ago, but i flaked out at the last min cos i was waaaaay too tired lol. i no thats not really the fighter attitude, u no, eye of the tiger and all that, but in my defense i had a killer cold on the way haha.

so neway im either gonna start this mma gym ive been talkin about or im gona find a different boxin gym cos i weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell miss it. thats right, i love men kickin the shit out of me, its one of my fetishes lol.

neway just another short one today. im havin an early night soon cos i think i was gettin a bit run down last week cos i wasnt sleepin very well nd i was worryin bout stuff. i think thats y i got a cold nd started gettin mouth ulcers nd shit like that, *puts on gay voice* im a very sensitive boy. lol.

neway ive finished blitzin thru the dvds i bought today (cloverfield, juno and sweeny todd - all miiint) so im gona call it a night. will write agen soon! x x x

this is just a little one 2nite to let everyone no that i hav finished my second tattoo and it is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawsome. im gona post a pic but ill tell u wot it is neway. i no it sounds propa naff and mosher, but its a grim reaper on my bak, and if u saw how fuckin amazin the tattooist has done it ud love it too. it didnt hurt newhere near to wot the one on my stomach did thank christ. my mate ash has got a fuckin ssssssssssic tat started runnin from her hip to her bood and it is epic lol! she sed it wrecked wen she got the outline done so i just feel so sorry for her wen she goes to get it coloured this friday mwahahahaha! i cnt wait to c it finished, its incredible!

newho goin bed soon so ill keep it short, gyms bin goin great except this week wen i got a fukin terrible cold at my cousins weddin (mint nite, ill write about it tomoz!) so ive not bin this week, but hopefully startin bak tomoz!

will write a propa blog tomoz wen im not so tired lol! x x x

well i said i wud write nd let u no how things were goin so i thought id get it out the way now whilst im waitin for the hatton fight (wooo!).

its been a hard week for me. im still racked wiv regret over sendin the girl i love that shit message. if i cud turn bak time i wud never right that fuckin thing. the only gud thing that has come out of me writtin the message is that it has taught me to control how i react to things and how to control my feelings better.

i hav been miserable this week. ive been thinkin about this girl constantly. ive been havin trouble sleepin at nite and wen i get up for work in the mornin i and start thinkin bout her, i hate maself for pushin her away like i did and i just wanna stay in bed all day and sleep so i dont hav to think about it nemore. it was really bad for most of the week, i felt so empty and lonely and i only had myself to blame. i love her so much and i miss more than any wot we had together even tho she cud never hav been mine, which is what i want more than nethin in the world.

i spoke to her on thursday and she made me feel so much better about everything, shes such a gud friend and a top top girl and she made me realise that i cnt keep wishin for her and puttin the pressure on her to make sure im not miserble wiv the fact shes already wiv someone. im always goin to regret over reacting abou the thing i did last week but ive got to move on and stop mopin around about it.

she loves her fella so much and if i keep dwelling on that and tryin to make her mine im goin to loose her as a friend aswell and make myself feel even more miserable. if its him that makes her so happy then y wud i want to spoil that for her, i love her to much to do nethin to make her less happy than she deserves to be.

so i woke up friday mornin and thought its time to sort myself out. ive stopped mopin around and thinkin everythins against me. she wants to stay wiv her man nd and theres nothin i can do about that, im just want her to be sooooo happy.
so ive stopped feelin sorry for myself, ive started bak at the gym and im gettin fitter and fitter everyday. im startin mixed martial arts on monday so im not sat on my arse all evenin nemore. im applyin for the fire brigade wen they start hiring agen in august and if they accept my application ill start that trainin in january so ill hav a career under my belt. im startin drivin lesson wen i get paid and im gona start lookin for my own flat in summer. im not gona go out and start tryin to sleep around now ive fiiiiinally accepted the gal i like wants to be with someone else. i still love her just as much as i always hav and it wuldnt be fair of me to get a girlfriend wen im still gonna be thinkin of her, which i do 24/7. but im not miserable about it nemore, i actually am so so so so happy that shes found her true love and that shes happy. im sure ill find someone else one day but for now im happy on workin on sortin myself out.

since i started thinkin like this nothins bothered me. ive cheered up alot at work, im workin out hard, ill hopefully start sleeping better lol and ive got some ambition bak to actually go for a career i want to do. i like the way my body's startin to look and im glad i no wot i need to do to start sorting my money out. im glad im finally startin to appreciate how happy the gal i like is, how much she deserves it, and how lucky i am to hav her in my life, even if its only as a friend.

ill always find it hard to deal wiv her not bein mine, but im definitly not gona be miserble about it nemore, shes one of the main reasons im so happy.

so yea thats it for this week. obvs im over the moon about united winnin the cup! i was fuckin buzzin after it, i just wished id gona to the pub and not stayed in to watch it lol!!!!! im gearin myself up for the hatton fight at the mo, its gona be AAAAAAAAAAAWSOME!!!!!! ill right again soon!!!!!!!!!!!! x x x

WWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOO hatton fight this saturday, i cnt wait!!!! he's gona totally anihilate him, its gona be mint!! i dnt no where to watch it tho, theres a shitty little club near me called o'sheas that ment to be showin the fight, thatll be top to hav a few bevvies there and watch it! and itll probs kick off in the pub after the fight so thatll provide a bit of post fight entertainment lol!!! i think im just gona hav to watch it at my dads tho cos i soooooooooooo fukin skint at the mo its not even funny. im out for a drink tonite wiv ma mate nd im out on wot is ment to be a bender on sunday nite (wwwwwwwwoooo foam party!!) but ill be lucky if i can scrape 20 quid together for that lol! oh well im a lite weight, i dnt need alot of beer!

i think the plan is grab a few beerd, get a curry nd chill out nd watch the fite wiv the old man, and if im lucky he'll hav his mates round, theyre so fuckin funny, i love it!!
im well excited, spesh after hatton lost to mayweather, i actually cried wen he got knocked down, it was fuckin gutting. but he'll make it up this time, he looks propa sound in trainin nd i reckon the fites gona be ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssic!!!!!!

COME ON HATTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x x x

weeeeeeeeel where the hell do i start. im feelin like a bit of a tit at the moment. i kinda told the girl i like that we shud stop flirtin wiv each other, hahahahahahahahahahaaa just writtin that is makin me laugh, its ridiculous. but ill explain the whole story, well most of it, some of its too personal and i dnt wont u to know lol!

basically its the same girl i always talk about, cos shes still the only one for me. i did some stuff for her over the weekend and sent her a few naughty pics and flirty texts, and then there was the flirtin at work lol. And well i was on a high note at the end of that day.

then the next day came and i completely over reacted about somethin that lookin bak on makes me feel sick wiv guilt and embarressment, aaawwww man just thinkin bout it is makin me think "oh phil, u absolute tit" lolol! ill tell u how daft i was, ill tell u the 2 little things that made me get stupidly over emotional lol. first of all, we were talkin on msn and wen she sed bye she only put 2 kisses (omg now im writtin it it sounds so fukin ridiculous lol)and then later on i read her internet profile and it mentioned somethin bout her fella on it. and that is it. i even remember thinkin "oh well her fella must b there so she cant put too many kisses", and her mentionin her fella on the internet has never bothered like this b4! but for some reason i sent her this over the top gut-spillin message bout that pretty much ended wiv me tellin her we shud stop flirtin wiv each other. Yes that is rite, i told the girl of my dreams, the one ive been in love wiv for the past 2 years that we shud stop flirtin. WOT.A.TOSSER lolol!!! i wrote the message at about 4 in the mornin cos i culdnt sleep and the only thing i can thing of that wud make me do such a stupid thing is that i was delerius from lack of snooze! she says shes forgiven me for it and i love her for that, but im really hatin maself rite now. i just keep thinkin "well done theres absolutely no point in flirtin wiv her nemore, u made sure of that didnt u!!!!".

lol oh well wot can i do, wots dun is dun. i think at the time i was thinkin that if we stopped actin like that wiv each other then i cud get over her. but i no now that this wont help, all ive dun is got read of one more thing that made bein on my own wivout a girlfriend bareble! i tell u wot i am glad about tho, shes stil mates wiv me and she sent me a wellllllllll nice reply to the message that helped me put everythin into perspective and made me feel better, she really is a top girl nd i love her to bits.
i always say to her im gona stop commin on to her and treat her like a mate and thats wot i need to do now ive got maself in this situation lol. i will miss bein naughty wiv her tho, she turned me on soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, wiv everythin from the way she brushed agenst me wen she was stood near me, to the txts she sent me, and some other personal stuff. im gona miss all that but i told her i wud let it go so that i didnt make things complicated for her and her fella. i owe her that much at the very least. shes such an amazin girl and she does so much to make sure that she dosnt hurt mine or neone elses feelings that she deserves to hav her feelings thought about first for once. so im gona lay of the love sick puppy dog act for her, im gona bury my feelings for a few weeks to c how it goes lol!

ill let u no how i handle it later on, but i no its gona be well hard. she means the world to me and we got so close to each other as mates, ive ruined a little bit of that connection, the little bit that made me feel so incredibly special. and all becos i overreacted to somethin absolutley fukin ridiculous lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! catch u all later!
x x x

wel i no its been a couple of weeks since i last wrote but nothin has changed much recently. still wantin a new job, still promisin to go to the gym, still single nd still hopelessly in love wiv a girl i cant hav lol.

my tattoo is completely finished now, it looks sic! its all black nd it hurt like a mutha fucker wen i was gettin it coloured in! especially on the parts that covered my ribs cos there isnt muchy meat there to cushion the needle lol! my mate ash has lent me some tat disks wiv friggin loooads of tat desogns on so i can start workin on my next one. ive got a design picked out and although i rally do want it, its very extreme, im gona make sure there's absolutely no other designs i want before i commit to it lol! its a massive one that covers my whole back, its all 9 of the slipknot members in different poses wiv a the big 'slipknot' logo writin across the top from shoulder to shoulder, and i think it wud look fuckin mint, but we'll see. im already booked in on the 29th so id better get deciding soon!!!! ash is booked in on the same day, shes gettin a big one down her ribs wiv flowers and birds on it, i think itll look amazin. she has to get top half nudey wen she gets it done nd she sed we cnt be there, but i might hav to insist that i stay, shes got an amazin body lol!!!

im not in bad shape at the mo but i started of well at the gym and it kinda just fizzled out. but startin tomoz i am bak at it and im gona be workin hard! ive got an image of the fitness level i wanna be at and wot i wanna look like by july nd i swear im gona reach it this time!!!!!!

thats about it for now really. i bought a wii nd some mint games the other week nd ash lent me a load of games so theyve bin keepin me occupied. had a couple of mint nights out nd went for a gudden last nite wiv ma mates from work last nite, i really do need to stop feelin sorry for myself wen ive had a few pints tho lol, but apart from that it was a gud laugh, nd i barely had a hangover today. neway ill start writting more often, but im callin it a nite for now, laters!!! x x x

hey hey hey, i no ive not written in aaagggeeesss, but so much has happened since i last wrote. but unfortunatly i cant really write about it here. it involved someone who means more to me than nethin else in the world and somethin that happened between us which i still think about everynite nd which always makes me feel so undescribably gud! i mean she always makes me feel sssooo gud about myself, but she did somethin for me, somethin that cud hav got her in a lot of trouble, somethin that i dont wanna experience wiv neone but her. im not gonna say nemore about it but its makin me smile just writin about it lol.

i dnt think i cud love her nemore than i do right now, not just becos of wot happened between us,but becos of how lucky i feel everyday becos of her, it feels really really gud!

aaaaannnnnyyyway b4 i turn into the little stalker like i do almost every blog, ive finally got ma first tattoo. Wooooo! it aint finished yet, ive got one little bit to get coloured in then im sorted, it looks well sic! ill stick a pic of it at the end of this blog. its itchin like a muthafucker now tho lol. Ash ses that this will last about 3 weeks , which is crap cos in 3 weeks i get the top half filled in, so just as i get over one load of itchin im gonna hav another 3 weeks of it!!!!!!!! lol oh well its all worth it, it luks well gud, ive already started plannin my next one, its gona be a sleeve down my left arm and goin across my chest, mmmiiinnnttt!!!

i started back at he gym the other week. its the first time since october that ive bin and i was as out of shape as i thought i wud be lol. i think i sed all this last blog actually. but neway i went on friday and i was startin to look pretty built wen i came out nd still had the pump lol, i no it sounds gay but everyone checks themsleves out wen theyve bin in the gym. i had a bit of a setback this weekend, it was ma grans birthday and ive bin bingin on alot of food lol, and i mean ALOT!!! so im gettin a few squishy patches on my body lol, but im in the gym all this week so ill be fine, now ive got my tat done its like an incentive to stay fit lol, i dnt want it stretched across a massive gut lol.

thats really about it for now, still no news on the job front lol. im a bit skint at the mo. im savin up to get some new threads. i went wiv ash to town the other day so she cud get some new holiday gear, i enjoyed hangin out wiv her like that, just the 2 of us out of work, i wish i didnt have to rush back to hav my tat done, but i still enjoyed it. i did feel pretty jelous tho cos she gets to go away this summer and i got sold out by ma sister, nd i love goin shoppin for new holiday gear, she culdve helped me pick out some snazzy speedos lol. ive just realised how gay that all sounds, "i love shoppin for holiday gear..."!!! why do i always make maself sound so gay in my blogs lol. im gona start tryin to sneak at least one gay sentence in each blog lol!OJ!!!

anyway thats all i got to say tonite, im gona settle bak in bed and finish watchin revolver...its a mint film, bit of a head fuck tho lol.

so, yea, nite everyone, im sure ive got more stuff to say but the dvd is destracting me lol!!!! x x x

well ive finally made a move on gettin my tattoo sorted. ive wanted one for soooo long but ive just neva done nethin about it but i no a guy at work whose mates wiv a tatooist so hes hookin me up lol. im goin down wiv him to the parlour on the 10th to show the guy the design i want and see how much itll cost me nd then im bookin in this month, im weeelll excited!!!

i was plannin on gettin it done on my calf but im startin to think itll look gud snakin from just under my right nip to down near my bellybutton lol. very very cool! the guy charges 20 quid an hour so hopefully it wont cost me too much!

the gym has been goin well (untill tonite wen i sacked it off nd binge ate my way thru 3 films lol!). ive bin doin weights all this week nd my ogd hav i got unfit lol! but i knew it wud be hard to start bak, it has been almost 6 months!!! im startin cardio aswell next week and once ive bin for a couple of weeks im gona start mixed martial arts. ive wwweelll missed boxin and i cant go bak to the gym i was at cos i work most weekends now so i thought i mite aswell try mma cos i love watchin it! im gona start goin to a place in manchester so im expectin a few black eyes over the next couple of months lol!

thats all thats realy happend to me over the past week or so. i havnt been job huntin yet but i really need to get started! dnt wanna be left on ma todd if ash leaves! obviously nothins happened on the love front . but now ive got startin bak at the gym out the way i can work on all the other stuff too lol.

will write soon!!!! X