so yeah about 2 years ago i started falling for a girl i no from work, nd who lives down my road. i dint really speak to her a first but the more i worked with her the more i got along with her and i REALLY started to have a crush on her, but i dint say anything becos i knew she had a boyfriend, and i thought there was no point in scaring her off by making a move on her rite? soon we started to become gud mates and i pretty much tailed her around work helping her wiv her jobs so we could talk and she'd help me with mine later on. and we got bollocked LOADS for it lol, and i think we even got split up a couple of times lol. i always had a crush on her but i just kept it buried to maself, knowin that i had no chance wiv her.

but by the beginning of last summer id become really close to her and loved being around her. i knew it was way more than a crush now but i kept it to maself becos i enjoyed spendin time with her as a mate too much to hav her stop talkin to me (is is exactly wot happened last time i told a girl how i felt about her lol). i txt her alot, even spoke to her and txt her whilst she was on holiday and it got to the point where my heart skipped a beat everytime it was her txtin or calling me lol,cheesyyyyy i no! then one night whilst she was still away, one of her friends told me she fancied me. fuckin hell u shuldve seen the smile that plastered on my face for the rest of the night lol!

but wen she got bak she told us that she'd been talkin to her boyfriend about how its time to get married. at first i was devvo'd. but then i thought, well she never told me she fancied me neway, and id never thought i have a chance in hell with a girl like her.

so we carried on as mates as we were, and i went off on ma hols to magaluf. i txt her alot whilst i was over there becos i missed not seein her, but she still dint no how i really felt about her. then on the last nite we were there, whilst waitin for the coach from the hotel, i got a text of her sayin how she liked me, and apologising for telling me becos of the situation she was in with her fella but she thought i ought to know. to this day, as sad as this sounds, that was the fackin best moment of my life, i dont think ive eva felt higher than that. not only had i just had my first ever moment of a girl telling me she liked me, it was the girl of my effing dreams!!!! i thought there was no was i was that lucky!

so i got home from magaluf and we txt each other bout how we felt. im not goin to tell u everything we sed to each other or did, but it never wen tbeyond a brief kiss and a cuddle. that was the last time i kissed a girl, just over half a year ago. and it was the girl i am in love with.

however we decided to remain as friends, she felt way to guilty after we kissed and i hated maself for makin her feel this way and throwin a propa spanner in her love life. i was gutted i culdnt be with her and i still get insanely jelous of her fella, to the point were it feel physically sick becos he the one who gets to spend the rest of his life with this amazing girl.
but shes become one of my best mates, the mate i care about more than ne of my others and i cant ask for more than that. i still get the buzz wen she texts me or wenever i see her, becos she such a great person to be around and im sssooo glad ive become so close to her. i wish she cud be mine, but i dont regret it that shes not, i dont think we'd have ever become such gud close friends if we dint have that moment together were i actually got to be with the gal im in love with. so its aalll gud .

it makes me laugh tho cos 5 years ago, all fellas and girls she hung around wiv were the ones who wuldve beat the shit out of me if they had the chance lol, wot with me bein a little grammar shit and them lot commin from all girls schools and boy schools lol. mind u they probs still wud if i gave them reason to lol!

so thats it, my very uneventful love life, or lack of lol. the reason im writting this is becos i really need to sort myself out. i do love this girl and i no i always will, shes way to special to me and im just really glad ill always have her as a mate, but i really need to accept that shes got her fella and that i need to find myself a girlfriend. i just find it really hard becos ive got fuck all eperience lol! im the furthest ive ever got with a girl is a snog, and even then theyve always been really drunk and so have i. jesus that is rrreeeaaalllyyy bad! i havnt even kissed a girl wen im sober lol! and unfortnatly i am still a virgin which is ssssooo embaressing lol, but most of my mates no nd i dont mind them jokin about it lol. i havnt even had as much as a cheeky handjob lol! in fact i dont think a girl has ever seen me naked :S, nd the only girls ive eva seen naked in the flesh are the ones my mate paid to give me a lapdance on my 21st birthday lol! oh man thats bleak. i dont get depressed about it or nethin, but a lot of the time it does get me really really down, wen i cant think where im goin wrong, but thats mainly at night wen im goin to bed, it kind of gets to ya wen uve spent the past 21 years of ur life goin to bed alone i suppose lol. especially wen i no most of my mates get to go to slep and wake up next to the girl or guy they love and i dnt have that luxury lol. but yea, u can see y i need to shape up and get my self a girl. i no il probs not fall for her as strongly as i did with this other girl, but hopefully ill fall asmuch in love eventually. not everyones lucky enough to be with their first love i suppose.

GOD! this things great, its like a digital psychiatrist, i feel well beter now ive got that off ma chest lol!!! thanx for listening to me ramble if u mananged to read this far lol! x

okay before i get started let me tell you one thing, i dont have a love life, and as close as ive ever come to gettin a girl to love me, its not happened. the first girl o ever felt strongly enough for to actually do somethin about it was a girl in college called natalie (ive written about her b4). i dont no y i liked her, i think it was becos wen i was younger i had a thing for emo girls, weird i know :S, but yea so at my mates birthday i told her that i liked her (ive explained the whole rediculous fiasco in a previous blog). that turned into a running joke throughout college and she ended up never talkin to me agen, not that we ever talked originally lol! but luckily for me i never really fell in love with her, i never even really got close enough to her be be to seriously hurt by the brush off. even wen she took my best mate to the prom with her lol!!!! after that i kinda just never made a move on neone, nd i dint really fall for neone, it was pretty bleak. most of my mates had relationships and pretty much all of them had lost their 'v plates' at least, but i just dint have the guts to ,make a move on neone, and no one ever made a move on me, it was pretty shit lol. a month before i turned 19 i got my first kiss finally!!! lol, it was new years eve and i was visitin my mate at his uni in bristol. my best mate is gay so we all went out to a gay bar, me him and his bf, and ironically thats were i pulled my first girl. well i say i pulled, my mate actually did all the talkin cos i was smashed out my face lol, and she was definitly on somethin, she'd dissappear to the toilet then come bak even more out of it than me! but we got dancin and my mate shooved us together so we had a bit of a grind, fuk only knows wot a mess we mustve looked lol, by this point id copied half the guys in the club and taken my shirt off. trouble wiv that was that most of the guys who were topless had muscles to bak it up, and there was me looking like a feckin spider monkey, but she was too wankered to care luckily lol! so we were dancin away and next thing i know, im tryin to kiss her, i mean we did kiss but i dint no wot the fuck i was doin and i was smashed so i was terrible! by the time midnight had come and gone we'd been (atempting) to snog each other on one of the couches, my back was scratched to fuk were'd she had her arms round me and had been diggin her nails in!

then the worst thing happened. she kept insisting that i close my eyes wen i kissed her, but everytime i did it felt like the whole room was caving in on my head and all i wanted to do was hurl, which, after only millseconds from pulling away from her lips, i did, all over my lap. oooooohhhhh the humiliation lol. by the time id got bak from the loo she'd dissappeard lol, shit. i dont even no wot she looked like i was that drunk, my mate sed she was fit but i think he was just tryin to make me feel gud lol, all i remember is that she was called kelly. so if ur the kelly who this happened to and ur reading this, im sorry lol!!!!!

so anyway things dint improve in the months after that. the only action i ever got was a snog with (i i dont wanna sound cruel but...) really really beasty women. wel about 3 in total, and they were all leathered, and so was i so lucky i dont remember much about them. the low point came wen i pulled a 50 year old, thats right 50 year old college of mine at a works night out. lets just say far too much alcohol had been consumed that night lol. but thats a story for another blog lol (and it was only a snog, nothin else!!!! lol).

luckily not soon after that (the new years before my 20th bday) i went to my mates again and got a new years snog off one of his house mates (a girl called jess) who is 1 of the 2 gud looking girls ive ever kissed(and im not countin kelly as one, im talkin about jess and the last girl who kissed me, she is gorgeous!). it never went ne further than a kiss cos there was a huge obstacle that came between us....she was a lesbian, but it felt nice to get a bit of attention, we werent even really that drunk!

then about 2 years ago i started falling for a girl i no......

OMG! i came bak from watchi the new rambo film not that long ago and wot can i say, its fuckin amazin!! dont listen to wot any of the muppet critics say about it, it is amazin. its well brutal! u see torture scenes, body parts gettin blown off left right and centre, people getting torn limb from limb! im not sayin this becos im sadistic or owt lol, i love it becos it was so real, it showed actual footage of the shit thats goin on in burma and its propa shocking. people gettin battered and executed and torched. its horrible and it film dosnt get much less grusome. its realy makes you feel sorry for them and want to go over and help them (as selfrightious as that sounds lol) but it really made me hate the burmese goverment for wot they were doin! lol jesus i sound like a feckin human rights activist! but its MMMMIIINNNNTTT at the end. rambo and his merceneries just kick the shit out of these rapists and murderers, and i mean its brutal, propa real! bodies were gettin blown apart, bullets were tearin off limbs and exploding heads and everytime someone got shot, the impact of the bullet made my chair shake! propa got my adrenalin pumpin lol, but not because il like seein that kinda thing, becos it was the best arse kickin ive ever seen on film and these guys propa deserved it lol. neway just wanted to let u all no how mint the film actually is. im gona chill in bed and watch stardust now, im sure itll help me sleep better than rambo lol, nite! x

Im not a weirdo who gets off on people gettin mutilated or tortured or nethin, but im gettin fed up of all these films like hostel and saw commin out and claiming to be the most shockin films ever made. i went to see a film tonite called WAZ. i wouldnt hav even heard of it if i didnt buy total film magasine (yes i am a massive film geek). total film dosnt usually let me down with its reviews but this time it did, big time. the article claimed it was more grusome than saw or hostel and had a plot as gud as seven (like i sed...film geek) so ive bin lookin forward to it for a few weeks now. but it was dog turd. there were a few grusome bits thu it, but nothin that i havnt seen workin at the hospital, and the "big torture scene" that made me wanna go watch it (i swear im not a freak, i just liked to be shocked lol) was a massive dissappointment. i gotta say agen im not some weirdo who downloads snuff movies in my spare time and takes pictures of road kill or shit like that lol, but wen im told im gonna hav the shit shocked out of me by a movie then i wanna see some really graphic gore lol!!!! the closest thing i got to that in this shit film was some guy gettin nails hammered under his fingernails, and admittedly that did make my arsehole tense right up and my finger tips to tingle lol, but apart from that it was like watchin an episode of CSI! there was even a castration scene, nd even tho i wuldnt wanna see some poor lad get his meat and veg hacked off (just watchin someone get hit in the balls in a comedy film makes ma nuts scrabble bak up in my stomach!) i wud at least expect a little blood or somethin, seeing some guys face shakin in pain is disturbin but dosnt quite create the illusion that he's being tortured in the worst way possible for a fella lol. its the same with hostel. theres wot? 3 actually grusome scenes in that and there not even that bad, yet that was ment to be one of the most shockin films eva!!! bullshit!! the worst films ive ever scene are the ones u can only find in the horror section that no ones eva heard of, where its just all gore from start to finish and fuck all story line lol. trouble wiv them is that by the end of the film nothin shocks u nemore and u end up just gettin bored lol. i just dont think i can be satisfied lol, theyre either too grusome or not grusome enough lol. Anyway im bak home now and settled in ma jim jams in bed so ive stuck on a comedy to go to sleep to, dint wanna go to bed thinkin or some guy gettin tortured, no matter how crap it may have looked lol! tonights movie is run fat boy run. i actually think i cud watch this movie over and over agen and not get bored of it, its so funny lol, and simon pegg is just one of the funniest guys ever lol! i think ive watched this film about 12 times since i got it on monday lol. i did the same thing with shaun of the dead and hot fuzz, theyre just brilliant, they propa cheer me up no matter how shit im feelin. sometimes wen im at work i remember bits of the films and start laughin to maself, so if neone i no reads this, next time u see me spontaneously laughin its not becos im loosin it, its becos im rememberin lines from films lol. wow, that is obsessive! if its not bad enough i spend most of my time out of work watchin films, now i daydream about films wen im not watchin them lol! they must have like a filmaholics anonamous for guys like me lol! neway thats me done for tonite, im gonna chill out now before i get some shut eye. im workin at 9 and ive gotta be up early enough to grab a mcdonalds breakfast b4 i go in lol. nite all! x

i dnt really have much to write about, im just bored here at home atm. I live wiv ma mate james and his sister but james is always out with his girlfriend and hannahs always out wiv her fella. And there aint alot to do at my house wen ur stuck on ur own. I think thats y i go to the cinema so much. Ive gotta do somethin to stop maself mopin around the house otherwise id go stir crazy, its feckin depressing! im actually becoming like my superviser. The guy always stays hours after he's ment to hav finished work cos he lives on his own and dosnt really have nethin to go home to except his cat, bless him lol. I used to think fuck that im goin home as soon as my shift finishes no matter wot! but now ive started thinkin, i hope theyve got some overtime i can stay for, ill be bored shitless at home. Jesus if i carry on thinkin like that i want someone to slap me, i dont care if its a complete stranger who just happens to read this blog lol. So yea, i think thats y i go to the cinema so much, its the only place i can truely relax. i can't at home cos ive got fuck all human interaction and its well dull nd lonely, and i cant at work cos, well...its just work aint it, i cant evenfully enjoy seein my mate there becos im always lookin over ma shoulder to check we dont get caught skiving and bollocked for talkin to her. The only trouble wiv goin cinema for me is that i always go on ma todd lol, which i know is a really loser thing to do but most of my mates have girlfriends nd boyfriends nd i HATE goin out wiv couples, u cant help but feel like the very arkward third wheel lol, and a few of ma mates like james who i cud go wiv on our own hav really annoyin habits wen there in the cinema, like txtin his girlfriend durin the film so the phone shines in ma face nd its all i can concerntrate on!!!! lol wot can i say i hate my cinema experience to be spoilt lol. And i dont hav a girlfriend to take wiv me so im pretty much stuck on my own. I dont mind it so much, its not as if u can talk to neone wen the films started neway, i just feel like a bit of a loser wen ur the only pleb in there on ya bill lol. Oh well, im startin bak at the gym 2moz, and im really gonna hit it hard. Beats sittin at home and bordem eatin al nite or day lol. Jesus this is a realy random and pointless blog tonite lol. i started writin it about 3 hours ago cos i was feelin really down and sorry for maself, but then i started msn'in ma mate nd lost came on not long after so i aint as mopey now lol, just really tired. Ive bin gettin like this alot recently, i hate it. i think ill be alrite wen ive started bak at the gym nd got my hols sorted and everythin so ive got somethin to look forward to. I better get ma head down if i do wanna hit the gym 2moz, its gonna be hard enough considerin i aint bin since october!!! ill let ya know if my mood perks up . lol just kiddin it will i just get a feel a bit pants every now and agen wen im tired cos i aint got maself a girl yet, spesh wen ive spent most of the day (well since 2)on my own, and even more spesh wen its around valentines day lol, but boo who right there aint no point pisin and moanin about it, but yea i think thats wots wrong wiv me tonite :S ....... and i caught a look at my naked torso in the mirror b4 and...well lets just say it aint very desirable and im itchin to sort it out in the gym agen lol, so yea thats ma plan, get my arse in the gym and get maself lookin b-e-a-utiful lol, and yep i no how gay that sounds lol, but it wud sound silly sayin 'buff' or 'ripped', cos i aint got ne muscle on me yet!!!!!btw im not usually so miserable, this things like a therapist once i start i just wanna spill ma guts!!!lol

So for the past 2 years i have been on propa lads holidays wiv ma mates. In 2006 i went to magaluf with 3 of my mates, ric, drabble and kyle. We had a well mint time and spent a SHITLOAD of money. We drank ourselves stupid durin the night, we stuffed our faces durin the day (if our stomachs could handle it over the hangover lol), we played shitloads of crazy golf (we found a giant 54 hole course, it was MINT!) and we had a nasty habit of blowin alot of doe at this mint strip club we found wen we were drunk (it wasnt uncommon to spend a gud 120 euros there a night but the way these girls moved it was well worth it!!! lol). Last year we went bak to magaluf only there was ten of this time. This time it was even better! It was just none stop drinkin and smokin, by the end of the week i cudnt stomach solid food and i just felt like a cigerette. I dont usually smoke but its a lads holiday, u gotta be naughty a little bit. Some off my mates took it a litle to far to be fair. Lets just say they werent exactly single fellas and they werent exactly faithful whilst they were over there. But they all payed for it lol. Im not gonna name names incase certain girlfriends read this by fluke but one fella ended up chattin up a girl at the bar nd took her bak to her room. Unfortunatly for him it was the end of the night nd he was leathered, not the best conditions for getin ya little fella to stand to attention lol, and after goin down on her for way longer than he usually would in a bid to tempt his dick out of hiding, he decided to admit to her that it wasnt gonna happen. He was spared the embarressment though, thanks to her mates bangin on the door shoutin at her not to sleep with him. Well i say he wasnt embarressed. It ended up with him doin a walk of shame between a tunnel of about 7 of her mates whilst he was totally butt naked desperatly clutchin his pile of clothes over his nuts lol!!! That same girl ended up makin sex on our balcony wiv a different one of our mates whilst 7 of us sat in the room behind them. We didnt no wot they were up to till my mate who was out there with them (!!!!!!) came running in shoutin, "someone give me a camera, i wanna film this!!!", somethin she didnt seem to have a problem with...that was until my mate finished up and she started crying and claimed she didnt no me and my mates cud see wot the were up to (its a window love, you can see thru them) even though one of my mates was goin in for close ups with the camera! i personally culdnt help but think it was the type of situation she cud have easily hav claimed was a group rape session and hot footed it out the room pretty rapid. That was kind of the tone of the holiday...well not for me, i culdnt even muster so much as a peck on the cheek from anyone, which lookin bak was probs a gud thing considerin most of my mates who pulled and took it bak to the bedroom ended up comming home wiv very itchy privates lol. So yea, that was our last lads holiday. Lots of drinkin, smoking, drugs (for some of the guys neway), sexual dissappointment and STDs lol, oh yea and one guy cheated on his girl (who is stunnin and waaaay to gud for him) wiv a prett grotesque scottish slag, who tried it on wiv a few of my mates but ended up miv this guy cos he was the only one who sed yes (classy girl lol). But that holiday almost killed me. The sleep deprivation from all night clubbin, liver damage from none stop drinkin and lung damage from chain smoking left me in a reck by the end of the week lol.So this year ive dedided not to go wiv the lads to malia, but to go for a chill out holiday wiv ma sister caz. Caz is 19 in july so were really close bein almost the same age so i reckon its gonna be top. We're plannin on Turkey cos my mate Ash has bin there a few times and highly recommends it. So its gonna be doin all the stuff i didnt get to do in magaluf: banana boatin, waterparks (of there is any), booze cruises, sight seein, etc. I tan easy so thatll be no problem but i wanna come bak from it lookin healthy and tanned this time, not like wen i came bak from magaluf lookin like id been left out in the sun, force fed cigerettes and been deprived of sleep for a week lol. But before i go anywhere im gonna hit the gym hard. I was watchin snatch the other day and i no this sounds really really really gay but wot the hell. i was lookin atbrad pitts character micky durin the fight scene and thinkin, "i want that body". Call me a homo if u will but that is my goal and ive got a few months to do it, so startin this comming monday im startin bak at the gym. I wanna look gud on the beach after all, and ya never know i might finally get lucky if ive got the body to attract someone with lol, only messin it wouldnt happen, and i learnt from my mates in magaluf holiday day flings can leave u with more than you bargained for lmao! So yea, thats the plan for my hols, now i just need to get to work doin it, woooo, ive got a busy few months ahead lol.

Since its valentines day on thursday, i thought why not do a themed blog. i aint personally got a problem with the day. Most of the miserable fellas i hang around wiv cant be arsed with it. But the one day i did actually try to treat a girl on valentines day, the whole thing went horribly tits up :S. the fateful day happened a few years ago wen i was in college and involved this girl called natalie. i dont no y i had a crush on her, i dont think it was for any reason we culdve based a relationship on, most likely somethin lame like she liked a band she liked, or i liked her hair lol (yes i know, very creepy!). Anyway i thought it was about time i made a move on gettin a girlfriend, u can only stand being on ya own for so long right? So one night at my mates 18th i told her i liked her. it was pretty mucyh doomed from the start. it was the first time id eva had alcohol and i was wankered after 3 WKD blues (OMG the shame of it!). i stumbled over to her and her mate and placed myself on the table next to them. There were 2 things wrong wiv this. 1, i knocked a drink all over her mate and 2, i was sat in a plate of half eaten chicken wings....sssmmmmoooth. so anyway, piss poor seatin choice aside, i ask her to dance, not thinkin she'd hav a problem wiv my beer soaked, chicken greased jeans grindin against her...shockingly she declined, on the false pretence that she "didnt know how to dance without making a fool of herself". So, being so inexperienced wiv women, i find it really hard to read them and pick up hints. I didnt pick up the hint that she just didnt want to dance with me so i jumped up and announced i was goin to show her how to dance so she wuldnt be embaressed. i took to the pretty much completely empty dance floor as her and her friend stared at me, mortified, and started throwin moves on my own, girating my grease stained, wet arse around the place. Just thinkin about it now makes me cringe uncontrollably, but the day after this, wen i was due back in skool to face the music, i just wanted to eat myself so i wuldnt have to deal with it lol! So anyway, thats how she found out i liked her. So a few months later valentines day starts closing in. Some girls in our skool decided to do a thing for charity where theyd sell fake roses to us with a message card and wen we'd bought them and wrote a message, theyd deliver it round the skool to the people they were addressed to. I saw my chance and bought 12 red ones. Lookin bak she probs saw this as a really cheap gift, like id bought 12 fake one for a quid each becos i didnt want to folk out the cash for real ones, but i thought she'd find it pretty cute, considerin everyone else who got a bought a rose for someone only folked out for one! i thought id make her feel a bit special....and if it all went tits up at least id just given 12 quid to canceer research! If the 12 fake red roses wasnt corny enough for her, the card i bought her to go with it was. i knew things were arkward between, considerin i barely spoke to her and one of the only times i did was at my mates eventful 18th, so i bought her a certain card. This card was the cheap and tacky stripper of the card world. The kind you find down the back ally stripjoints in some seedy part of town, completely over-the-top dolled up but actually really really rediculous. This was that card. It consisted of a black background with a white pair of Y-fronts covered in little hearts on the front, with the whole card being framed by a giant, featherey, fluffy sort of border, and inside the card the "romantic message" read: "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"...........I DONT KNOW WOT I WAS THINKIN!!!! i thought it wud be a gud icebreaker, kind of make her relax by being funny. However, that dosnt really work wen your writing a pretty sentimental and heartfelt message in the same card. i cant remember exactly wot i wrote but im sure alot of it was apologies for the plate of chicken wings/greasy dance demonstration incident. And to finish off the humiliating package....i decided to write the message in pencil first to see how it looked and whether id sed everythin i wanted to before i went over it in pen. Now i thought id rubbed the pencil out to the point where only the pen was visable, but oh how wrong i was. One of her mates helpfully pointed out the very faint pencil lines next to the writting, and she pointed out to everyone that was in the room at that time. I knew wot natalie mustve thought. Wot a fuckin LOSER!!! who does a pencil draft of a love letter in a valentines card!!! I spent the day hidden in the computer room whilst i received exclamations of "aaaaawwwww, its ssssooo cute" from the girls, and none stop ridule from the fellas. It didnt stop there. From that point on i was regularly teased about it untill the end of the college year,even after i stopped likin her!!! and natalie? well i know we dint really speak b4 the valentines day, but after it, eye contact or so much as sittin within 2 people of each other in assembly was out of the question. Oh well, c'est la vie, i only liked her cos...erm...i cant even remember now. And it aint the first time ive bin shot down, but its certainly the most public and therefore completely humiliating lol. So yea, that was my worse, very longwinded (sorry!), valentines day. And thats why im very carelful about who knows about who I fall for nowerdays. The less people that know, the less humiliating it is for me during the brush off lol!
Neway, hope everyone who reads this has a top valentines. im gonna avoid embarresment this year by keepin my feelings for the certain someone i like now to myself. ill just treat myself this year to a couple of DVDs i think and drown ma sorrows in a tub of ben 'n' jerry's choco fudge brownie icecream, MMmmmmmmmmm lol

Well for starters i can't say my name yet becos someone is lookin for me on here, dnt wana make it too easy for them! im 21 years old, born nd raised in manchester, mainly the scummy parts: wythenshaw, eccles, woodsend(OJ!) nd did a stint livin in moss side which was realy fun :S! my week (as my mate reminded me bout last night) usually consists of different variations of goin to work and goin to the cinema, tho sometimes i mix it up a bit nd go to the cinema before work (wot can i say, im just wild like that). i usually go on my own.....all alone....., lol but ya get used to it. im pretty much built like....erm....a pretty skinny guy considerin how much i try to go to the gym, mabye the salads arnt givin me all the carbs and proteins i need to pack a bit of muscle on me, hhhmmmmm. but yea, one day i wanna apply for the marines wen ive finally pulled my finger out my arse and pumped off a few more press ups, but thats sometime off now! ive lived a very fullfilling life so far, i mean wen i find time between the cinema and work lol....i was gona write about all the cool stuff ive done but now i think about it, theres really not that much :S...i went to a strip joint the other week for my 21st, that was pretty kwl, i lossed all my money in a casino, which if u ask me shud be a rule for the first time u go to one, it makes winning it all bak even better the next time u go! ive necked a 50 year old woman but i have a very gud excuse for y i did that!!! we were in the pub wiv a load people from work. id had a few bevvies so i wasnt very quick on the ball by this point of the nite. i went to take a leak and im innocently stud in the loo on my own wen this 6 ft, 50 year old bruiser walks in and joins the urinal next to me. now if i was sober i wuldve known sraight away somethin wasnt right, u always go to the furthest urinal away from someone, its like an unwritten law, but this guy plonks himself rite next to me. so im doin my thing wen he starts askin how old i am, so i tell him (i was 19 at the time) nd he starts sayin how he can tell becos ive got nice hair and skin....thanks very much....but becos i was pretty drunk, i thought (like a prat) that this was just a nice guy. then he asked me to show him my teeth...this is where it got freaky, but out of drunken idiodicy if flashed him a massive grin. so i finished up and was washin my hands wen he came over nd started goin on bout how he plays the guitar and whether i played ne instruments. i shuldve realised wot was goin on, the compliments, all the questions about me....the guy was chattin me up!!!!! but i told him i used to play the drums so he asked me to show him my arm, pretending he wanted to see if i had a "drummer's arm". wen i held my arm out he started givin it a little squeeze. now i was feelin really uncomfortable, but he mustve thought i was lovin it cos next thing i no, he's squeezin my arse!!! so it all finally clicked (way too late) and i pushed him away in alarm, only for him to say "aaawww dont be scared"!!! the classic film rapist line in ne horror film lol.i dnt think ive moved so fast in my life. i went nd told my mates but they just laughed the tight gits! so anyway i was that dam traumatised i got bladdered and in a desperate bid for some heterosexual activity after my gay encounter, pulled the only woman in the pub who wud get off with me, and she happend to be a 50 year old colleage who i was in work with the next day, that was arkward lol! i do try and forget it but theres this one girl i know, shes ment to be one of my best mates but she always seems to torture me with the memory of it just wen i think ive finally repressed it lol. i wont say her name becos she's the one lookin for me nd i dnt wana make it too easy for her, ill just refer to her as "specks", lmao im only kiddin, if ya read this mate i luv ya really! lol so neway theres just a little about me. there is more but my attention span on writting blogs dosnt last too long at a time lol