okay before i get started let me tell you one thing, i dont have a love life, and as close as ive ever come to gettin a girl to love me, its not happened. the first girl o ever felt strongly enough for to actually do somethin about it was a girl in college called natalie (ive written about her b4). i dont no y i liked her, i think it was becos wen i was younger i had a thing for emo girls, weird i know :S, but yea so at my mates birthday i told her that i liked her (ive explained the whole rediculous fiasco in a previous blog). that turned into a running joke throughout college and she ended up never talkin to me agen, not that we ever talked originally lol! but luckily for me i never really fell in love with her, i never even really got close enough to her be be to seriously hurt by the brush off. even wen she took my best mate to the prom with her lol!!!! after that i kinda just never made a move on neone, nd i dint really fall for neone, it was pretty bleak. most of my mates had relationships and pretty much all of them had lost their 'v plates' at least, but i just dint have the guts to ,make a move on neone, and no one ever made a move on me, it was pretty shit lol. a month before i turned 19 i got my first kiss finally!!! lol, it was new years eve and i was visitin my mate at his uni in bristol. my best mate is gay so we all went out to a gay bar, me him and his bf, and ironically thats were i pulled my first girl. well i say i pulled, my mate actually did all the talkin cos i was smashed out my face lol, and she was definitly on somethin, she'd dissappear to the toilet then come bak even more out of it than me! but we got dancin and my mate shooved us together so we had a bit of a grind, fuk only knows wot a mess we mustve looked lol, by this point id copied half the guys in the club and taken my shirt off. trouble wiv that was that most of the guys who were topless had muscles to bak it up, and there was me looking like a feckin spider monkey, but she was too wankered to care luckily lol! so we were dancin away and next thing i know, im tryin to kiss her, i mean we did kiss but i dint no wot the fuck i was doin and i was smashed so i was terrible! by the time midnight had come and gone we'd been (atempting) to snog each other on one of the couches, my back was scratched to fuk were'd she had her arms round me and had been diggin her nails in!

then the worst thing happened. she kept insisting that i close my eyes wen i kissed her, but everytime i did it felt like the whole room was caving in on my head and all i wanted to do was hurl, which, after only millseconds from pulling away from her lips, i did, all over my lap. oooooohhhhh the humiliation lol. by the time id got bak from the loo she'd dissappeard lol, shit. i dont even no wot she looked like i was that drunk, my mate sed she was fit but i think he was just tryin to make me feel gud lol, all i remember is that she was called kelly. so if ur the kelly who this happened to and ur reading this, im sorry lol!!!!!

so anyway things dint improve in the months after that. the only action i ever got was a snog with (i i dont wanna sound cruel but...) really really beasty women. wel about 3 in total, and they were all leathered, and so was i so lucky i dont remember much about them. the low point came wen i pulled a 50 year old, thats right 50 year old college of mine at a works night out. lets just say far too much alcohol had been consumed that night lol. but thats a story for another blog lol (and it was only a snog, nothin else!!!! lol).

luckily not soon after that (the new years before my 20th bday) i went to my mates again and got a new years snog off one of his house mates (a girl called jess) who is 1 of the 2 gud looking girls ive ever kissed(and im not countin kelly as one, im talkin about jess and the last girl who kissed me, she is gorgeous!). it never went ne further than a kiss cos there was a huge obstacle that came between us....she was a lesbian, but it felt nice to get a bit of attention, we werent even really that drunk!

then about 2 years ago i started falling for a girl i no......