weeeeeeeeel where the hell do i start. im feelin like a bit of a tit at the moment. i kinda told the girl i like that we shud stop flirtin wiv each other, hahahahahahahahahahaaa just writtin that is makin me laugh, its ridiculous. but ill explain the whole story, well most of it, some of its too personal and i dnt wont u to know lol!

basically its the same girl i always talk about, cos shes still the only one for me. i did some stuff for her over the weekend and sent her a few naughty pics and flirty texts, and then there was the flirtin at work lol. And well i was on a high note at the end of that day.

then the next day came and i completely over reacted about somethin that lookin bak on makes me feel sick wiv guilt and embarressment, aaawwww man just thinkin bout it is makin me think "oh phil, u absolute tit" lolol! ill tell u how daft i was, ill tell u the 2 little things that made me get stupidly over emotional lol. first of all, we were talkin on msn and wen she sed bye she only put 2 kisses (omg now im writtin it it sounds so fukin ridiculous lol)and then later on i read her internet profile and it mentioned somethin bout her fella on it. and that is it. i even remember thinkin "oh well her fella must b there so she cant put too many kisses", and her mentionin her fella on the internet has never bothered like this b4! but for some reason i sent her this over the top gut-spillin message bout that pretty much ended wiv me tellin her we shud stop flirtin wiv each other. Yes that is rite, i told the girl of my dreams, the one ive been in love wiv for the past 2 years that we shud stop flirtin. WOT.A.TOSSER lolol!!! i wrote the message at about 4 in the mornin cos i culdnt sleep and the only thing i can thing of that wud make me do such a stupid thing is that i was delerius from lack of snooze! she says shes forgiven me for it and i love her for that, but im really hatin maself rite now. i just keep thinkin "well done theres absolutely no point in flirtin wiv her nemore, u made sure of that didnt u!!!!".

lol oh well wot can i do, wots dun is dun. i think at the time i was thinkin that if we stopped actin like that wiv each other then i cud get over her. but i no now that this wont help, all ive dun is got read of one more thing that made bein on my own wivout a girlfriend bareble! i tell u wot i am glad about tho, shes stil mates wiv me and she sent me a wellllllllll nice reply to the message that helped me put everythin into perspective and made me feel better, she really is a top girl nd i love her to bits.
i always say to her im gona stop commin on to her and treat her like a mate and thats wot i need to do now ive got maself in this situation lol. i will miss bein naughty wiv her tho, she turned me on soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much, wiv everythin from the way she brushed agenst me wen she was stood near me, to the txts she sent me, and some other personal stuff. im gona miss all that but i told her i wud let it go so that i didnt make things complicated for her and her fella. i owe her that much at the very least. shes such an amazin girl and she does so much to make sure that she dosnt hurt mine or neone elses feelings that she deserves to hav her feelings thought about first for once. so im gona lay of the love sick puppy dog act for her, im gona bury my feelings for a few weeks to c how it goes lol!

ill let u no how i handle it later on, but i no its gona be well hard. she means the world to me and we got so close to each other as mates, ive ruined a little bit of that connection, the little bit that made me feel so incredibly special. and all becos i overreacted to somethin absolutley fukin ridiculous lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! catch u all later!
x x x