well i said i wud write nd let u no how things were goin so i thought id get it out the way now whilst im waitin for the hatton fight (wooo!).

its been a hard week for me. im still racked wiv regret over sendin the girl i love that shit message. if i cud turn bak time i wud never right that fuckin thing. the only gud thing that has come out of me writtin the message is that it has taught me to control how i react to things and how to control my feelings better.

i hav been miserable this week. ive been thinkin about this girl constantly. ive been havin trouble sleepin at nite and wen i get up for work in the mornin i and start thinkin bout her, i hate maself for pushin her away like i did and i just wanna stay in bed all day and sleep so i dont hav to think about it nemore. it was really bad for most of the week, i felt so empty and lonely and i only had myself to blame. i love her so much and i miss more than any wot we had together even tho she cud never hav been mine, which is what i want more than nethin in the world.

i spoke to her on thursday and she made me feel so much better about everything, shes such a gud friend and a top top girl and she made me realise that i cnt keep wishin for her and puttin the pressure on her to make sure im not miserble wiv the fact shes already wiv someone. im always goin to regret over reacting abou the thing i did last week but ive got to move on and stop mopin around about it.

she loves her fella so much and if i keep dwelling on that and tryin to make her mine im goin to loose her as a friend aswell and make myself feel even more miserable. if its him that makes her so happy then y wud i want to spoil that for her, i love her to much to do nethin to make her less happy than she deserves to be.

so i woke up friday mornin and thought its time to sort myself out. ive stopped mopin around and thinkin everythins against me. she wants to stay wiv her man nd and theres nothin i can do about that, im just want her to be sooooo happy.
so ive stopped feelin sorry for myself, ive started bak at the gym and im gettin fitter and fitter everyday. im startin mixed martial arts on monday so im not sat on my arse all evenin nemore. im applyin for the fire brigade wen they start hiring agen in august and if they accept my application ill start that trainin in january so ill hav a career under my belt. im startin drivin lesson wen i get paid and im gona start lookin for my own flat in summer. im not gona go out and start tryin to sleep around now ive fiiiiinally accepted the gal i like wants to be with someone else. i still love her just as much as i always hav and it wuldnt be fair of me to get a girlfriend wen im still gonna be thinkin of her, which i do 24/7. but im not miserable about it nemore, i actually am so so so so happy that shes found her true love and that shes happy. im sure ill find someone else one day but for now im happy on workin on sortin myself out.

since i started thinkin like this nothins bothered me. ive cheered up alot at work, im workin out hard, ill hopefully start sleeping better lol and ive got some ambition bak to actually go for a career i want to do. i like the way my body's startin to look and im glad i no wot i need to do to start sorting my money out. im glad im finally startin to appreciate how happy the gal i like is, how much she deserves it, and how lucky i am to hav her in my life, even if its only as a friend.

ill always find it hard to deal wiv her not bein mine, but im definitly not gona be miserble about it nemore, shes one of the main reasons im so happy.

so yea thats it for this week. obvs im over the moon about united winnin the cup! i was fuckin buzzin after it, i just wished id gona to the pub and not stayed in to watch it lol!!!!! im gearin myself up for the hatton fight at the mo, its gona be AAAAAAAAAAAWSOME!!!!!! ill right again soon!!!!!!!!!!!! x x x